straight to the snark

if people could read my thoughts i'd probably be assasinated by now. i'm that snarky.

when i see fat people on facebook post of heaps of pics of themselves eating or food they're about to devour, i think geez, no wonder you're fat. of course i refrain from filling in the tempting comment box because it's clearly not PC to do so.

but nothing irritates me more than people bragging. in fact, people bragging on facebook, twitter, msn or any form of media is the reason why i decided to start this blog.

i'm a hypocrite enough to know that if i were to take a dig at every single person, i'd be axed off so quickly that i'll never be able to grace this world with my witty snarks. ever. yes, i'm being sarcastic.

anyway, where shall i begin?

oo, my favourite topic: new not-really rich people bragging.

firstly, if you're planning on buying a designer bag - it's your fucking money so buy whatever you want to buy. no one really cares how indecisive you are and how many stupid bags you're looking at.

yes, we all know you're dying to get something with spray vomit monogram so that everyone knows you can afford the brand. congratulations.

it irritates me to see idiotic people on facebook, twitter, msn or what-ev brag about their new purchases etc. congratulations, you bought a Marc by Marc Jacobs or MJ bag. And? fyi: it was one of those terrible MMJ /MJ bags with some misplaced pocket, a Major silver plate that TELLS you it's -scream out loud- MARC JACOBS or some stupid belt across the bag that looks as if it belongs on the waist of someone in the Army Reserve.

to make matters worst, the person sends me a picture of the bag and asks for my opinion. sigh. so i said (in the most PC way possible) that i wouldnt buy it -insert PC reason- and the person then tells me why the bag is nice. geez. it's your money, buy whatever you want. but money cant buy taste and the bag is fucking distasteful because that metal plate screaming MARC JACOBS annoys me. in all honesty, MJ isn't exactly top notch designer. sorry, but that bag doesn't come with bragging rights.

now, if it was an ostrich skin Birkin or something of that calibur, perhaps diamond encrusted hardware? Fair enough.

and then there's the friend that tells you how BUSY her life is with work etc, even when you don't ask. first of all, I DIDN'T ASK I DIDN'T MESSAGE I DON'T CARE!! so stop telling me! she then proceeds to tell you that she bought 10 pairs of shoes for usd 500. erm, congratulations? what i really feel like saying is: oh? i have a pair of shoes that cost around usd 500. but if i said that, then i'd be a total braggy snobtart right? so i smile politely and say "wow that's cheap for 10 pairs." yes, not much better but at least i ducked under the bragging radar.

she then proceeds to brag about a Cartier watch she bought. erm, please. you're 23 and your dad bought it for you. i got mine when i was 16 and i've never spoken of it till now. so please shut up already!

and it carries on. she feels the need to brag about her holidays to a table of people who are poorer than her just because it makes her feel better about herself. as she flaunts her 500 dollar eternity ring she tells me i should get one too and i should invest in diamonds. how do i tell her that part of my 17th birthday present, i received a tennis bracelet and a princess cut 0.75 carat eternity ring but i choose not to wear it out because i dont want to draw unneccesary attention to myself at the corner coffeeshop? how do i say it without sounding like a bragger myself? so i smile politely and say, sure we'll go soon. 'soon' has yet to arrive. oh and how do i tell her to put some of her new-money to good use and buy some perfume? she smells funny. a little sour like almost rancid milk. not putrid but you know as the day progresses, the smell is so heading in that direction.

and there's the girl that announces on facebook that she just bought a usd 250 dollar bag. when i saw her she was proudly flaunting her bag. i told her it's nice and i have it in brown. i casually left out the part about the reason why i bought the bag in the first place was for a camping trip because i didnt want to ruin my 'real' designer bags.

see what i mean by if people could read my thoughts i'd be assasinated?