An ex file

ex boyfriends are an EX for a reason. i dont know why it suddenly crossed my mind of the reasons why one of mine is an EX. probably because the topic was brought up during dinner just as i was about to dig my knife into a perfect piece of foie gras, one of my all time favourites.

anyway, since this is a venting blog. i will proceed to list all the things i detest about one of my EXes.

• how terribly stingey he is. i say this in present terms because he hasnt changed. he would be very calculative with me (like 4 bucks kind of calculative even though he had no qualms paying for his friends) but never bothered to chip in for groceries even though he ate at my house 5 times a week!
• his poor poor table manners. i dont need to see how your teeth devour solid food to mush. i have teeth too, i get the gist of how they function. thanks.
• lack in culture. sorry, but peeing off an ocean cliff where two seas meet just because your douchebag friends think it's cool at 23? grow-the-fuckup please.
• ignorance. another trait i cant stand (in general). if it isnt within his comfort zone, he doesnt want to know about it. if its cuisine that is foreign, he will make a mess of it to mask his insecurity. if it's something that he has never heard of? he doesn't want to know about it. life is in his bubble and it's how it will always be.
• i always regret not cheating on him with someone better looking and with someone who probably loved me more than he did. see, i never cheated even when i could have.
• the sex got progressively worse as he grew fatter and lacked stamina. it also became mundane and i felt a little like a taxi driver's whore because i'd just wait for the 5 minutes of predictable sex to be over. i guess he didnt feel the need to try. neither did i because i knew he lacked so much stamina it wouldnt even matter how hard i'd work at it? 2 minutes? 5 minutes? max 10 minutes?
• his constant need to mock my wealth and designer threads wore me thin. i too began to lose myself.
• what bothered me the MOST? his lack of balls. not with me, but with other people. i hated how he would constantly bitch about so and so, but to their face he was so pleasant and even forked out drinks for them etc. geez! two faced, much? even to people who had a very defined grudge towards him, he was Still nice and all good. it's fine if he didnt bitch about them and he'd have a problem with me hanging out with them too!
• oh and his insecurity issues. i was Always allegedly cheating on him. yet he had no qualms about boozing up with the guy i was allegedly sleeping with till dawn as if they were BFFs for years. of course behind the guy's back he tried to put a ban on our friendship. right.

i guess what i'm trying to say is every time i speak to or see him it gives me comfort to know he's an EX. i like to reflect on these things once in a while to remind myself how far i've come along from that insecure girl he turned me into once upon a time.

i felt incomplete to be alone because i hadnt found myself or appreciated myself very much. i thought he had changed and our relationship was complete. in actual fact, i changed and lost the better half of myself just to please and keep him.

one day i woke up and asked myself, what the fuck am i doing here?! i started making a list of all the things i disliked about him. then the pro list fell pretty short. and i realised, i'd been hanging on to a romatincised idea of what i wanted in a relationship as the end goal of all of this. my eyes were so dead set on my idealism of the 'perfect' relationship that i forgot to take a look around and the raw truth. this wasnt for me and i clearly wasnt meant to be here.

so i bailed and he wailed. but wailing wouldnt change anything because though people change to a certain degree, their core values and behaviour lies deep within and remains embossed in them.

snarkweek

i saw a status update yesterday from a snark-worthy person bitching about his/her customer not knowing fashion or her body. well. this coming from the person who believes that billowy tops hide her bumps and lumps under the 5ft frame. erm, darling. try empire. much more flattering and it wont look as if you wore your pillowcase out.

this is also the person who believes that ombre suits everything and everyone. no it doesnt. especially rainbow ombre? maybe if you look like Iman or Giselle. fine. oh and this also coming from the person who doesnt understand the wonders of good concealer and blotting papers. blot blot blot! and bragging about getting an iPod Touch? so not cool.

anyway, you shouldn't really bitch about your customers so openly. especially coming from a half baked fashion desginer wannabe that doesnt get invited to showcase his/her collection but pays a lot of money to have it showcased - with few buyers. tick tock tick tock.

what else?

i'm not one for gaudy things but i really do love KJL cocktail rings. very pretty and for a decent price too!

i am Loving Tod's D-bag reissue. saw it on bagsnob and fell in love. it's been ages since i've seen a Tod's bag i really like. the last time i went into Tod's i went into brainstrain overdrive because a pesky bitch kept trying to push bags to me. i kept telling her "i hate the stitching and i hate the way the leather crumples at the side, it's not nice." yep, same pesky bitch that tried to tell me to buy a Tod's bag instead of Chanel Classic flap because "they all look the same and you already have so many." well, i don't have it in tan! i sense frenemy sabotage. hmm.

what's with peeps wearing knee high boots in 40 degrees? it looks ridiculous.

Liars & Homme Gold Digger (HGDs)

I had the perfect afternoon lazing on a plush hotel bed, my room filled with scented candles and a yummy wagyu burger with taleggio cheese. I was also twitter and fb stalking my favourite people to bitch about.

Today’s topic: LIARS & the He Gold Digger (HGD)

in all honesty, I couldn’t care less if someone is rich or poor. But I admit when a poor person pretends to be uber rich. It annoys me. Yes, outing them seems to be a nice hobby I take on sometimes. but seriously, making claims that your family owns diamond mines, restaurant chain and hotels – all things google can give me the true answer to. Not so smart.

if you’re going to LIE. Kindly google your lie first. chances are, there are others like me out there who will google your lies just to out you. why? because people like me don’t like they getting conned! Duh. we all don’t like being taken for fools and when men LIE about their wealth just to impress us, it usually leads to us paying for their po-ass later on!

honestly, I’ve been on dates with guys who tell you exactly what they anticipate is the ‘right’ thing to say to you just because they’re trying their very best to impress. that’s fine. till they start hinting for invites to VIP events and expecting to live YOUR life under YOUR expense. wait a minute, if memory serves me right, the dough in my wallet is MINE!! it goes to my lifestyle and shopping fund, not your tag-along-rich-girl-fund!

i’ve seen it happen to many and several times almost happen to me. Oh wait, it did happen to me! but I will say it happened on a much lower scale since I downplayed my lifestyle to better suit his. I know, how stupid of me. we all live and learn.

• anyway, as I sit in bed with a face mask on and thermal socks for my feet, I recall all the things that annoy me about HGDs. here’s a few pointers on how to ‘out’ a HGD:
  
  - they always dress very well and smell nice too. So don’t get sucked into the spankin cool threads and infectious scent of Creed. the not-so-pro ones will go mainstream ala Ralph Lauren, Hugo Boss, Davidoff, etc. personally, I’m a true sucker for Creed. Swoon.
  - they own at least two Hackett Polo tees and a few Lacoste ones too. because to them it’s a stupid statement piece. Fred Perry is much nicer. But they tend to go loud and proud with labels because they Want people to think that they can afford designer threads. Right, go monogram go!
  - they’ll do EVERYTHING for you – be your driver, agree with everything you say, flatter you in every way (because flattery gets you everywhere, it truly does), peel prawns for you, carry your bags, carry your handbag (I really hate seeing a man with a bag in the crook of his arm. So not cool) etc.
• - big spenders at clubs. well, whether it was them who shouted the 3 bottles of Dom or it was their mate who’s unaware of their mooching ways, they’ll pour you several glasses as if they paid for the crate. Confidence is the key.
  - at first, they’ll pay for Everything. your drinks, your food, maybe one or two of your shopping trips – probably outing the cheaper ones like the odd top or a scented candle. and then. they’ll start mooching once you’ve become codependent on them being ‘around’. oh, and it all goes downhill from there.
  - they’ll start driving your car. Quite comfortably too.
  - move into your home slowly but surely
  - if you’re living on a trust fund, then they’ll ease their way into your family. soon they’ll be part of the wallpaper on the family estate and also perhaps a rising executive in Daddy’s business. And let the good family times roll.
  - oh and they also become a part of family holidays, especially when Daddy forks out the bill and the HGD is comfortably lazing on the family yacht as if he truly belongs there.
  - once they’re in your life, it’s hard to curb ‘em. so watch it!
  

I really hope someone reads this and passes it on. wealthy women should read this because there are so many HGDs around.

they'll prey on 'poor little rich girls' because they believe all rich girls have a daddy complex or some sort of pathetic complex. quite frankly, i probably have some sort of complex too. but i'm certainly too proud to admit it or get conned into codependency by any Tom, Dick or Harry just to avoid being alone. Choose wisely!

gladiator sandals are not for everyone

i recently saw someone announce on facebook that they bought a pair of gladiator sandals. yes, yet another braggy status update.

well, as much as it kills me not to comment on it. i guess i HAVE to vent here.

first of all, if you have really short and stumpy legs. glads are NOT for you. the ankle straps will only make your legs look like stunted fat tree stumps.

second of all, you're so last season. so stop bragging.

sigh... much better!

sometimes i like to brag too

i do sometimes but only to the people who deserve it. i feel like telling them that i just scored a limited edition Chanel 2.55 and it's clearly more expensive than the stupid LV Speedy in Epi that she just bought and is dying to brag about.

but no. in public and in person i refrain from doing so. yes, i'm a hypocrite but at least i'm a pleasant one.

when she brags about the stupid 4 star hotel she stayed at for 3 nights. i really want to her that i stay in hotels so often that the staff know me personally and i keep my belongings in long term storage. and i stay in those hotels for 2 weeks to a month. so really, shut up already!!

basically, i really feel like screaming I AM SORRY BUT I THINK I'M RICHER THAN YOU SO PLEASE STOP BRAGGING BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BRING OUT THE WORST BRAGGER IN ME!!

but in my stupid world, appearances count and i clearly cant say shit like that. so i say it here because i can.

oh and she claims to be so well travelled and cultured. i cant understand that if she is, she'd know that 'real' spaghetti alio olio is NOT made with oyster mushrooms. and she has the gall to tell me that she thinks that's one of the 'best and authentic' alio olio in town. erm, loser. your palate is so uncultured you cant even tell when alio olio has been thrown against the brick wall of fusion food. moron. oh and the garlic was overcooked to the point is was really very brown. uncultured twat.

i remember an ex boyfriend bragging about smoking Romeo y Julieta cigars at the age of 21. wow. congratulations. please. i've been smelling second hand cigar smoke from the age of 3 from much better quality cigars which is why i think i'm so going to die from secondhand smoke. gross. he proceeds to send me a video of the apartment he purchased overseas. how do i tell him that his room is the same size as my maid's room? i cant, right? actually i feel like telling him, yes i know you've become 'rich' yourself through your own hard work. congratualtions. stop bragging because i'm still not impressed!! just be normal!!!

all this venting feels so good.

straight to the snark

if people could read my thoughts i'd probably be assasinated by now. i'm that snarky.

when i see fat people on facebook post of heaps of pics of themselves eating or food they're about to devour, i think geez, no wonder you're fat. of course i refrain from filling in the tempting comment box because it's clearly not PC to do so.

but nothing irritates me more than people bragging. in fact, people bragging on facebook, twitter, msn or any form of media is the reason why i decided to start this blog.

i'm a hypocrite enough to know that if i were to take a dig at every single person, i'd be axed off so quickly that i'll never be able to grace this world with my witty snarks. ever. yes, i'm being sarcastic.

anyway, where shall i begin?

oo, my favourite topic: new not-really rich people bragging.

firstly, if you're planning on buying a designer bag - it's your fucking money so buy whatever you want to buy. no one really cares how indecisive you are and how many stupid bags you're looking at.

yes, we all know you're dying to get something with spray vomit monogram so that everyone knows you can afford the brand. congratulations.

it irritates me to see idiotic people on facebook, twitter, msn or what-ev brag about their new purchases etc. congratulations, you bought a Marc by Marc Jacobs or MJ bag. And? fyi: it was one of those terrible MMJ /MJ bags with some misplaced pocket, a Major silver plate that TELLS you it's -scream out loud- MARC JACOBS or some stupid belt across the bag that looks as if it belongs on the waist of someone in the Army Reserve.

to make matters worst, the person sends me a picture of the bag and asks for my opinion. sigh. so i said (in the most PC way possible) that i wouldnt buy it -insert PC reason- and the person then tells me why the bag is nice. geez. it's your money, buy whatever you want. but money cant buy taste and the bag is fucking distasteful because that metal plate screaming MARC JACOBS annoys me. in all honesty, MJ isn't exactly top notch designer. sorry, but that bag doesn't come with bragging rights.

now, if it was an ostrich skin Birkin or something of that calibur, perhaps diamond encrusted hardware? Fair enough.

and then there's the friend that tells you how BUSY her life is with work etc, even when you don't ask. first of all, I DIDN'T ASK I DIDN'T MESSAGE I DON'T CARE!! so stop telling me! she then proceeds to tell you that she bought 10 pairs of shoes for usd 500. erm, congratulations? what i really feel like saying is: oh? i have a pair of shoes that cost around usd 500. but if i said that, then i'd be a total braggy snobtart right? so i smile politely and say "wow that's cheap for 10 pairs." yes, not much better but at least i ducked under the bragging radar.

she then proceeds to brag about a Cartier watch she bought. erm, please. you're 23 and your dad bought it for you. i got mine when i was 16 and i've never spoken of it till now. so please shut up already!

and it carries on. she feels the need to brag about her holidays to a table of people who are poorer than her just because it makes her feel better about herself. as she flaunts her 500 dollar eternity ring she tells me i should get one too and i should invest in diamonds. how do i tell her that part of my 17th birthday present, i received a tennis bracelet and a princess cut 0.75 carat eternity ring but i choose not to wear it out because i dont want to draw unneccesary attention to myself at the corner coffeeshop? how do i say it without sounding like a bragger myself? so i smile politely and say, sure we'll go soon. 'soon' has yet to arrive. oh and how do i tell her to put some of her new-money to good use and buy some perfume? she smells funny. a little sour like almost rancid milk. not putrid but you know as the day progresses, the smell is so heading in that direction.

and there's the girl that announces on facebook that she just bought a usd 250 dollar bag. when i saw her she was proudly flaunting her bag. i told her it's nice and i have it in brown. i casually left out the part about the reason why i bought the bag in the first place was for a camping trip because i didnt want to ruin my 'real' designer bags.

see what i mean by if people could read my thoughts i'd be assasinated?