Friday, August 7, 2009

kidnap me please

WHY do people insist on tweeting (on public profiles) "I'm at xxxxx (location) does anyone want to hangout?" ALL THE TIME. erm. first of all, aren't you worried that some crazy stalker's going to kidnap your sorry ass? oh wait, i guess you're not important enough to be kidnapped. haha.

it's true. it's the ones who are so desperate for attention or friends that feel the need to constantly blab about where they are and if anyone wants to join them. well, we live in the age where mobile phones are essential. trust me. if anyone wants to see you, they'll call. no need to publically broadcast your whereabouts in hope that someone nearby will care to hangout with you.

i know this girl who's not very attractive at all. think Beth Ditto minus the celebrity factor. (shudder). anyway, she ALWAYS feels the need to not only tweet (with myloc) where she is but also what car she's driving (insert european luxury car). um.. okay, we know that your family has some money but not a dime was earned by YOU. put that aside, i know that being the size of Beth Ditto may decrease the chances of getting kidnapped unless a whale harpoon is acquired, but seriously. how stupid.

oh and she also feels the need to blab about sleeping in someone elses bed. yes, we know some sick fuck managed to stomach the guts to give you a good shag, no need to tell the web that there is someone out there who actually wants to fuck you. but i suppose congratulations is in order since i know for a fact you've been spending years hunting around on online adult matchmaker type websites and hoping to be hunted too. hope being the operative word here.

and when a guy actually dates you and leaves you after you've paid for his expenses - flights, hotel bills, food etc. don't feel upset about it. because: If you tell the whole world about how much money you (read: your family) has and you're not attractive. Be Prepared for a gold digger to leech on to you till he can't stomach your obese sexual appetite (as she so publically proclaims) anymore.

oo that felt so good to get off my chest!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

damn boy, what the fuck happened to you?!

okay, so i know that when a relationship is over it's over. but trustly ol' facebook recently flaunted some party pics in my newsfeed featuring one of my ex boyfriends. so of course, i couldn't help but take a little peek.

little did i know that my first *vomit* 'love' was in the photo album too! okay, so this was the dude that totally messed me up in my teens - yeah yeah i felt pretty damn sorry for myself because he totally toyed with my emotions and pulled the stupid suicide card more than once just to get into my pants. oh i'm not mad at him, i'm mad at my own stupidity and naiveness for believing him. but that's a totally different issue.

back to the juicy bits. so, when i saw the pics, first thing that came to my head was "DAMN, BOY! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!" he literally looks like the Michelin Man!!! i had to take two looks because it was a toss up between Michelin Man's body with the self satisfied look (of foody contentment) of the Pilsbury Boy!! seriously, once again "damn boy, what the fuck happened to you?!"

i mean this dude used to be pretty trim but i guess people change in a few years but dayyyyyyyymn!

i know i know, it's petty of me to rag on my ex. but shit, seeing photos like that bring 2 identifiable emotions:

1. fuck, i'm glad i didnt get the short end of the stick in the timeline of his looks department
2. smugness. oh i am so damn smug.

ain't it snarkeriffic?

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

once a liar always a liar

i have a friend, well she's not a friend anymore because she's taken the behaviour of a pathelogical liar to new heights. it's one thing to over embellish to elevate story value, it's another to mimic my life or travels.

no one really cares if you're po. hell, people struggle every day. but to fabricate stories just to revive your popularity by turning friends against each other? hello? schoolyard, much? sick.

getting jobs all over the world and bragging about them, then come 2 weeks before take off? oops! the deal fell through. sure. and earning an uber salary? erm, your pleather handbag may beg to differ. so might your fraying polyester tank top and your jeans from the halfway mark of being vintage. yeah, that's the mark where it's too uncool to be in trend and too new to be vintage.

so what if you have a new Gucci clutch? two words: Summer Sale. so don't try bragging all over Facebook about it because it's pretty pathetic. alongside your phantom plane tickets and luxxe items that we all know dont really exist.

oh and that pool you keep speaking of? i'm quite certain the pool exists. toys 'r us sells them, no?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

too fat for coach?!

i have a 'friend' (okay, i use the term 'friend' relatively loosely as what i really mean is a person i've known for years and i'm faux friends with) who's pretty fat. like, Beth Ditto kind of fat, maybe a bit fatter. first up, i have Nothing against fat people at all. so keep reading and don't hate.

so the fat girl has no qualms in telling her internet friends/lovers about her family money. okay, we're not talking about heiress rich but relatively well-off. look, if you're not attractive and you dont want a guy to like you for your money (read: pay for his own shit and not mooch off you) don't tell them that you're driving a mercedes or whatev and that your family is paperstacked with x amount of properties! duh.

anyway, so she proceeds on telling her friends (yours truly included) about how she can Only travel Business Class or First. her parents pay for all her flights (yep, not working either and in her late twenties - really going places in life). and this whole 'Business Class/First Class' travel is justified by **drumroll** "ECONOMY CLASS SEATS ARE TOO SMALL FOR ME SO I NEED TO BE IN BUSINESS CLASS OR FIRST."

i'm sorry (well, not really sorry) but if your ass is too fucking fat for a standard aircraft seat, it's fucking evident that you need to shed off the lard from your booty!!!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

ex lard buckets

why is it when people who used to belong to the fatters-club lose weight, they feel the need to announce every meal they have or every workout session endured? i mean, yes yes yes, we're all well aware that you've dropped the kilos but we dont need to hear a rundown of how many lettuce leaves you've consumed or how many crumbs of feta you've sprinkled on your stupid salad!

AND we certainly dont need to know how many pull-ups you can do or how you're pushing yourself to run 100miles to drop 5kilos. actually, the workout bit doesnt annoy me as much as the food thing. it's so annoying to see stupid status updates on fb or tweets saying "xxxxx ate salad with no dressing and a little crumbed feta for lunch and will have a very light dinner tonight - no carbs." and when the menu differs with/without cheese or meat or a couple of tomatoes, really. yes yes, we know you're carb-free. shut up already! ooo or the girls who eat 2 grilled prawns and state "oh my god, i'm soooo full." right. makes me want to tie them up and force feed them lard. and by the way, one of these people is a GUY.

sure, he used to be a little chubby and now he's pretty fit. but really, nobody cares how many tomato seeds you've swallowed. oh and if/when you do get fat again, you're going to look back at your 'health' journal and depress yourself. annoying! oh, and no matter how ripped your body is, it doesnt change the fact that your personality is as dull as an old gym sock.

i know this may be a little cruel of me to be so rude but it's only because when he chats with me online he babbles on and on and on about what he doesnt eat. i feel like saying "yes, i'm aware you're no longer a porker, but when you shedded off your beer gut, did your personality go away too? oh wait, you never had any to begin with. bye!!" did i say that? no. it's too mean to say to a person's face, that's why i have this blog. to vent.

oh! andddddd there's this other girl. now she's Really annoying. probably worst than gym sock boy. so, back in highschool she was apparently a bit of a porker. then she went to 'normal' and now she's sticksville. fair enough, i understand she likes being skinny. who doesnt, right? but she's one of those people who not only announces at the table how she's still so "fat" (she's like as skinny as Mary-Kate) and every time she eats a bite of something she says it's sinful and she's so FAT.

and then, she proceeds to announce on fb and twitter how "fat" she is. obviously she wants people to say "oh my god, you're SO SKINNY!" erm... i know people who have eating disorders are called bulemic and anorexic, what do you call people with faux eating disorders and seek attention in doing so? is there a medical disorder for that? can someone people diagnose her and possibly lock her up for it? please??

oh and another annoying thing. she refuses to order anything at the table claiming she's eaten already. yet she picks at EVERYONE'S food. forfuckssake, just order a fucking entree sized salad and eat that! but no. the stingey bitch doesnt want to pay for Anything. yep, she's one of those leechers who never pay for anything.

phew. that was nice to get off my chest .

Thursday, June 18, 2009

current likes and loves

image source: Harmony Lane
ordinarily i wouldn't opt for a bag with chunky hardware and blatant stitching. being an uber stickler for perfect stitching i tend to stay away from bags with bold stitching. but after seeing a post on PurseBlog of CC Skye's Mimi Bag in purple, i've sort of fallen in love with the Creme one. heavily contemplating whether i should get it or not. it looks relatively trend-based, however i thought that when i purchased Foley & Corrina's Mid City Tote, i'd use it for one season and be done with it. still using it after a year, so maybe this one is a keeper. looks like something i can travel with too.
i've noticed these days i'm spending a little differently. shopping for differen't stuff. i used to be big on solely buying silk dresses and now i'm purchasing more leggins (LOVE denim leggings) for my travels and tunics. comfy stuff. of course i still rock frocks all the time but when it's winter and i'm going on my wanderwalks, i like to be comfy. paired with flat boots (Chloe makes divine buttery soft ones that mould to your feet) and a Classic Chanel Flap Bag and i'm sorted for the day.
scented candles. i go through them a little too quickly and realised that even though i'd love to buy heaps of Jo Malone, Annick Goutal Mandragore and Costes candles, it's truly eating away at my bank account. so now, i've divided as such:
  • 3/6 Voluspa - Fleur de Cafe smells sultry and divine
  • 2/6 Tocca - it all began with Tocca Cleopatra for me.
  • 1/6 Costes, Jo Malone, Annick Goutal etc in the bedroom for an hour just before sleep.

a lot of people swear by Diptyque but i find that though the scent is pretty but a lot of black smoke comes out of it, even with a trimmed wick.

my list of favourite things:

  • Soak detergent for delicates - fab for travelling - just disinfect the hotel sink first
  • Gardenia by Jo Malone
  • CC Skye Mimi
  • Gun Metal Metallic Grey Chanel Classic Jumbo Flap
  • Denim Leggings by Members Only
  • Maxi dresses by Young Fabulous and Broke (that sounds like me)
  • Disney Couture accessories
  • Go Lomo!
  • Jacquie Aiche rings
  • Alex and Ani's go green concept
  • Photo-Art
  • Halston T-Bars

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Can't Buy Me Love? Hmm..

image source: ShopBop

well, of course you can buy me Love! call me materialistic, but in relationships, sometimes 'love' just isn't enough.

when you can't make rent because your broke-ass boyfriend is mooching off you. where's the 'loving' feeling? sure, great sex will make you the Queen of Euphemism for a while, but realistically speaking, after a while, don't you feel like kicking his po-ass to the curb? come on!

if you're the richer one in the relationship, are you suppose to apologise for your wealth when he asks you questions like "oh, how many thousands did that bag cost?" or "sorry, i'm not rich like you." of course, you reply with "don't be silly, i don't measure our relationship like that." what you really want to say is "fuck you and your broke ass too."

but then again, sigh. when we're in love, lust or infactuation, we all become Queens of Euphemism and Optimism. Just because denial is more comforting than the realism that we're dating losers.
i think that there's nothing wrong being financially challenged, but don't make other people feel guilty for having money! the worst part is, that quite a number of guys that fall into this catagory tend to mooch/scum off their partners but at the same time have no qualms about condemning their lifestyle. so much hate here.
i remember having a conversation with a friend and she told me she had purchased a limited edition Dior saddlebag but she didn't dare to tell her bf how much she paid for it because she was certain he'd tell her off for it. so i asked her, 'did you use his credit card to pay for it?' she replied 'no, my (read: my parents) credit card.' i then couldn't help but blurt 'then how the hell is it his business to tell you off when it's not even his money?!' she shrugged and said he just does when she spends. geeez!! how annoying!
so back to the whole 'can't buy me love' theory. i beg to differ. now, i don't believe in total gold-diggersville, but i truly believe that 'love' alone is not enough to make a relationship work. to commit yourself to a person who is financially retarded is asking for hardship. and if you believe that love will fill in the gaps of financial burden, well, you're pretty naive.
far from being too cynical, i'd like to think of myself as a realist. if both partners work hard in the relationship (okay, i'd prefer my partner to earn more than me because i have double standards and i'd be happier if he bought me my next Chanel bag instead of forking it out myself), i'd feel a lot of love for the bag! See, you 'can' buy me love! Gimme!